Narcissists
There is tremendous confusion about the word ‘narcissist’. To some, a narcissist is a person who wants a lot of attention, like high visibility social media influencers. Others see narcissists as people who are damaged and can be rehabilitated with support and understanding. Still others see narcissists as highly dangerous, manipulative, harmful and without remorse or compassion.
This confusion muddies the waters. It creates dissension and debate, a situation that narcissists or human predators thrive on.
While there are some people who have been horrifically abused by narcissists and may display some of the behaviours of predators, such as lying and possibly hurting people, we do not use the term ‘narcissist’ to describe them. We use the term ‘prey’ or ‘target’ to describe victims of human predators.
Narcissists in our work are those who harm and disadvantage others by conscious choice.
At the Kalmor Institute, based on our groundbreaking research, we refer to narcissists as sadistic, cruel, lacking in empathy, exploitative, and having a powerful sense of superiority. Most narcissists create exceptionally convincing facades of ‘goodness’, however, and are skilled at fooling others as to their true nature. Data shows narcissists are incurable, nor do they wish to be rehabilitated.
What makes the Kalmor Institute a world leader in narcissism?
A comment about Dr Mitchell’s book Human Predators:
‘If it feels like no one has ever believed you about what it’s like to be relentlessly targeted by a narcissist, psychopath or any kind of dark personality, here is the book that finally tells your story, and backs it up with comprehensive scientific detail.’
- Emeritus Professor Stan Willenbring, PhD
The Kalmor Institute has developed and patented the most comprehensive, nuanced model of narcissistic behaviours in the world.
Our model, the Persistent Predatory Personality model outlined in Dr Mitchell’s book Human Predators, can be used in courts to identify a pattern of behaviours common to those who harm covertly and potentially have them held to account.
The Persistent Predatory Personality includes not only the attributes shared by narcissists but also the 25 tactics narcissists commonly use to control, harm, exploit, and avoid exposure - we ‘see’ what might otherwise be difficult to understand or expose.
Our strength is in understanding deeply harmful, incurable narcissists and working with those who have been compromised by them as well as educating those who haven’t.
Our deep familiarity with narcissistic behaviours and their impact means those harmed by narcissists don’t need to be retraumatised by convincing us of what happened. We fully understand how complex, extremely harmful and in some cases difficult to believe, narcissistic behaviours are.
We understand that narcissistic damage occurs on many levels. The impact may be emotional, psychological, physical, reputational, financial, parental, social, psychological, work-related, sexual, spiritual and/or relational and it has an overwhelming impact on someone’s life. Our expert coaches are skilled at working with people on all elements of narcissistic abuse.
We are the only consultancy in the world which combines cutting edge knowledge of narcissism with lived experience as well as deep capability in psychology, counselling, coaching and strategy.
There are those who do not understand the dangers, attributes and red flags of the narcissist or human predator. We are deeply experienced in working with others on developing insights, skills and acceptance regarding the nature of the predator.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissists are controlling, sadistic, dangerous, manipulative, exploitative and deceitful. They do not hesitate to break laws, agreements, moral codes and regulations, to hurt others and to avoid accountability. Narcissists, though, are EXTRAORDINARILY skilled at projecting a façade of ‘normal’, ‘well-meaning’, ‘kind’ or ‘a pillar of society’. Their ability to ‘blend in’ and engage others in their ‘goodness’ is next level.
Narcissists have substantial brain anomalies of the pre-frontal cortex and amygdala. They have differences in the brain structure, function and interconnectivity between different areas of the brain. This has been shown through PET scans, fMRI’s, MRI’s. In addition, perspiration studies and heart rate studies have given us further insight into the world of human predators.
The brain differences mean that narcissists are motivated entirely differently to the rest of the population. They are driven first and foremost by control, control of a family, a community, a body during a rape, a country, a domestic partner, a media outlet. They are also driven by sadism. They get satisfaction from demeaning, disadvantaging, humiliating, confusing and harming. They are consequently incurable and will use any attempts to reform them to learn how to better manipulate.
As we often point out, some people have been extensively abused by human predators. They may display some of their behaviours such as lying and possibly hurting people. We do not use the term ‘narcissist’ to describe these people. We use the term ‘prey’ or ‘target’ to describe victims of human predators.
Predatory narcissists all have the same attributes and use the same tactics to harm others and avoid accountability. Some narcissists are smart, others not-so-smart, some are extraverted while others guarded, some are impulsive while others are strategic. We understand the differences, but we understand and focus on the commonalities.
The common attributes and tactics of our Persistent Predatory Personality model contained in Dr Mitchell’s Human Predators make their harmful behavioural patterns easier to identify and prove. Our understanding of these patterns also ensures we are able to work compassionately and knowledgably with those who have been harmed by narcissists or predators.
How do narcissists harm?
It is almost impossible to comprehend the powerfully undermining and relentlessly destabilising pain and heartache caused by narcissists unless you have been targeted by one. The impact of a human predator on their victim in any context is similar to that of war-based torture. Yet, the ability of dark personalities to look and sound ‘normal’ while harbouring a much darker side is extraordinary. It is challenging for someone face-to-face with a human predator who seems calm, generous, grounded, kind, accomplished, compassionate, and/or helpful to accept the level of duplicity they are capable of. Yet, it is crucial that we accept and comprehend their danger because the pain they can cause is phenomenal and they can turn on someone in a second.
In an intimate relationship, abuse may take many forms—emotional, financial, physical, psychological, social, reputational, professional, parental, familial and/or sexual. It can involve intimidation, isolating the target from support networks, controlling access to money, or depriving a romantic partner of sleep, for example. These behaviours are never isolated; they form a pattern of control and harm that becomes increasingly difficult to navigate. The emotional labour required to maintain peace is exhausting, and over time, the romantic target may comply with the predator’s unreasonable demands simply to avoid conflict and harm. This gradual accommodation can lead to a profound sense of numbness and loss of identity.
In a work setting, toxic leaders or narcissists in senior roles often shape workplace environments through fear, manipulation, and calculated self-preservation. They frequently rely on intimidation, creating a climate in which employees feel unsafe to question or challenge them. Their expectations of others are typically unrealistic, and they may place people in situations that compromise their wellbeing or professional safety. They may openly berate, undermine, demean, and humiliate others. The level of abuse can be exceptional, even of very senior people.
Most people who have written about workplace bullying are not fully familiar with the depth of sadism, manipulation, and exploitation engaged in by a narcissist. While narcissists may be openly hostile towards those they perceive as threats or those they choose to abuse, they are often exceptionally respectful, deferential, and even charming towards people in positions of power, making themselves appear indispensable to senior leaders. They manipulate team dynamics by playing favourites, pitting colleagues against one another, and fostering mistrust. Promises of support or resources may be offered strategically and later withdrawn if the target does not comply with their demands. They often project an outward image of being friendly, benevolent, or engaging, masking the harm they cause behind a carefully curated persona. These individuals commonly take credit for the work of others. They may manufacture problems so they can later claim credit and recognition for resolving them. Bullying is a routine tactic. Interpersonally, they may use the ‘silent treatment’ as a form of punishment or control. They also cultivate relationships with select individuals who act as informal informants, providing them with information that can be used to manipulate narratives or maintain dominance.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
What can be done to prevent harm from narcissists?
There is a raft of ways that harm from narcissists or predators can be prevented. At a personal level, to reduce the risk of being targeted by a predator for you and those you love:
It is crucial to understand the many obvious red flags of dangerous people. These are outlined in detail in Dr Mitchell’s groundbreaking book, Human Predators. Once you understand the red flags it will be MUCH easier to ‘see’ predators, those that assert coercive control. It is impossible to ‘unsee’ the red flags.
It is also crucial to do research. Predators are convincing, they will woo you, mesmerise you, compel you to believe them. They will present fiction as fact, convince you night is day and you will be genuinely convinced. Even those who have years of experience of narcissistic abuse may again be drawn in to the false narrative of a predator. It is only in the research that you will truly find clarity and safety.
There are many other ways we can protect ourselves and our communities from predatory harm. These are discussed in Dr Mitchell’s book, Human Predators, her PhD and our social media messaging: Instagram | X | LinkedIn
How to heal from narcissistic abuse
Healing from narcissistic abuse can be a lengthy and painful experience, unfortunately. Not always, but usually. The motivations and behaviours of a narcissist are so profoundly different to others that it may take some time to understand one’s experience with them, let alone heal from the abuse. Below are a just a few recommendations for healing. Some of Kalmor’s programs may also assist you with the healing process.
Own your experience, your story
One of the key parts of healing from dark personality abuse is owning your story in all its horrible detail. The motivation of a human predator is so profoundly different to others and the force they bear against their target so strong, that it’s hard to accept the reality. Being targeted by a predator can be isolating, desolate, and deeply painful. Owning this experience fully is an important part of healing. Dark personalities behave in ways that are so different to the rest of the population that we question our reality. It is important to accept and own our experiences. It DID happen. Record your story so you can own it.
Connect with others who ‘get it’
It can be helpful to connect with people who understand what you have experienced or are currently experiencing. Sometimes your entire social circle may not get it, or your family may not get it. You need to find your tribe or at least a couple of people who do understand and get it—get you—who believe your experience and support you. Being heard and validated is one of the most powerful parts of recovery. External validation can be particularly helpful because after years of being manipulated, lied to, demeaned, and deceived, victims can lose both their sense of what happened and their confidence. Those who have not been targeted before mean well, but they often downplay the victim’s experience. A word of warning though, be cautious who you engage with. Keep in mind predators actively seek out vulnerable groups.
Connecting with the body
As victims of narcissistic abuse, we are often hypervigilant. We learn to be alert to threats. This can be exhausting and often does not allow us to operate from our best self. Movement of the body to recentre our self is important. This may take the form of yoga, running, dancing in the kitchen, walking barefoot on grass, anything that connects us with our body. Conscious breathing is also an important part of connecting with the body. Deep belly breaths help us centre ourselves.
Kalmor Training Programs
Programs for individuals who have been targeted by a narcissist
An online program for people who have been harmed by narcissists and want to develop their understanding of what they have experienced. Also suitable for those interested in learning more about narcissists.
Risk Reduction from narcissists for leaders (Group training)
A facilitated group training program (online or in person) designed to develop the capability of leaders to recognise, manage and reduce risk from narcissists from the recruitment process onwards.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
A personal coaching program to support those currently experiencing or recovering from narcissistic abuse.
Programs for those in organisations, workplaces, teams, corporations, communities
Identifying and reducing risk from narcissists in groups
An online self-directed training program for anyone working in organisations, corporates, community groups and others wanting to develop their understanding of narcissistic motivation, tactics, attributes, red flags and risk.
Risk Reduction from narcissists for leaders (Online)
An online, self directed training program for leaders to develop their understanding of how to recognise, manage and reduce risk from narcissists.
Risk Reduction from narcissists for leaders (One-on-One Coaching)
A one-on-one coaching program for leaders dealing with or wanting to develop their capability to recognise, manage and reduce risk from narcissists from the recruitment process onwards.
Contact us
If you have any questions or would like to know more please contact the Kalmor team.
Patent and copyright.
Our programs are patented and the proprietary material of the Kalmor Institute, based on the most comprehensive study ever undertaken of all the fields of study researching dark personalities.
Terms and conditions.
Terms and conditions are included on the website. Only book a program once you are familiar with the terms and conditions.