Narcissists
There is tremendous confusion about the word ‘narcissist’. To some, a narcissist is a person who wants a lot of attention, like high visibility social media influencers. Others see narcissists as people who are damaged and can be rehabilitated with support and understanding. Still others see narcissists as highly dangerous, manipulative, harmful and without remorse or compassion.
This confusion muddies the waters. It creates dissention and debate, a situation that narcissists or human predators thrive on.
While there are some people who have been horrifically abused by narcissists and may display some of the behaviours of predators, such as lying and possibly hurting people, we do not use the term ‘narcissist’ to describe them. We use the term ‘prey’ or ‘target’ to describe victims of human predators.
Narcissists in our work are those who harm and disadvantage others by conscious choice.
At the Kalmor Institute, based on our groundbreaking research, we refer to narcissists as sadistic, cruel, lacking in empathy, exploitative, and having a powerful sense of superiority. Most narcissists create exceptionally convincing facades of ‘goodness’, however, and are skilled at fooling others as to their true nature. Data shows narcissists are incurable, nor do they wish to be rehabilitated.
What makes the Kalmor Institute a world leader in narcissism?
A comment about Dr Mitchell’s book Human Predators:
‘If it feels like no one has ever believed you about what it’s like to be relentlessly targeted by a narcissist, psychopath or any kind of dark personality, here is the book that finally tells your story, and backs it up with comprehensive scientific detail.’
Emeritus Professor Stan Willenbring, PhD
The Kalmor Institute has developed and patented the most comprehensive, nuanced model of narcissistic behaviours in the world.
Our model, the Persistent Predatory Personality model outlined in Dr Mitchell’s book Human Predators, can be used in courts to identify a pattern of behaviours common to those who harm covertly and potentially have them held to account.
The Persistent Predatory Personality includes not only the attributes shared by narcissists but also the 25 tactics narcissists commonly use to control, harm, exploit, and avoid exposure - we ‘see’ what might otherwise be difficult to understand or expose.
Our strength is in understanding deeply harmful, incurable narcissists and working with those who have been compromised by them as well as educating those who haven’t.
Our deep familiarity with narcissistic behaviours and their impact means those harmed by narcissists don’t need to be retraumatized by convincing us of what happened. We fully understand how complex, extremely harmful and in some cases difficult to believe, narcissistic behaviours are.
We understand that narcissistic damage occurs on many levels. The impact may be emotional, psychological, physical, reputational, financial, parental, social, psychological, work-related, sexual, spiritual and/or relational and it has an overwhelming impact on someone’s life. Our expert coaches are skilled at working with people on all elements of narcissistic abuse.
We are the only consultancy in the world which combines cutting edge knowledge of narcissism with lived experience as well as deep capability in psychology, counselling, coaching and strategy.
There are those who do not understand the dangers, attributes and red flags of the narcissist or human predator. We are deeply experienced in working with others on developing insights, skills and acceptance regarding the nature of the predator.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissists are controlling, sadistic, dangerous, manipulative, exploitative and deceitful. They do not hesitate to break laws, agreements, moral codes and regulations, to hurt others and to avoid accountability. Narcissists, though, are EXTRAORDINARILY skilled at projecting a façade of ‘normal’, ‘well-meaning’, ‘kind’ or ‘a pillar of society’. Their ability to ‘blend in’ and engage others in their ‘goodness’ is next level.
Narcissists have substantial brain anomalies of the pre-frontal cortex and amygdala. They have differences in the brain structure, function and interconnectivity between different areas of the brain. This has been shown through PET scans, fMRI’s, MRI’s. In addition, perspiration studies and heart rate studies have given us further insight into the world of human predators.
The brain differences mean that narcissists are motivated entirely differently to the rest of the population. They are driven first and foremost by control, control of a family, a community, a body during a rape, a country, a domestic partner, a media outlet. They are also driven by sadism. They get satisfaction from demeaning, disadvantaging, humiliating, confusing and harming They are consequently incurable and will use any attempts to reform them to learn how to better manipulate. These brain differences have been demonstrated through
As we often point out, some people have been extensively abused by human predators. They may display some of their behaviours such as lying and possibly hurting people. We do not use the term ‘narcissist’ to describe these people. We use the term ‘prey’ or ‘target’ to describe victims of human predators.
Predatory narcissists all have the same attributes and use the same tactics to harm others and avoid accountability. Some narcissists are smart, others not-so-smart, some are extraverted while others guarded, some are impulsive while others are strategic. We understand the differences, but we understand and focus on the commonalities.
The common attributes and tactics of our Persistent Predatory Personality model contained in Dr Mitchell’s Human Predators make their harmful behavioural patterns easier to identify and prove. Our understanding of these patterns also ensures we are able to work compassionately and knowledgably with those who have been harmed by narcissists or predators.
How do narcissists harm?
It is almost impossible to comprehend the powerfully undermining and relentlessly destabilising pain and heartache caused by narcissists unless you have been targeted by one. The impact of a human predator on their victim in any context is similar to that of war-based torture. Yet, the ability of dark personalities to look and sound ‘normal’ while harbouring a much darker side is extraordinary. It is challenging for someone face-to-face with a human predator who seems calm, generous, grounded, kind, accomplished, compassionate, and/or helpful to accept the level of duplicity they are capable of. Yet, it is crucial that we accept and comprehend their danger because the pain they can cause is phenomenal and they can turn on someone in a second.
In an intimate relationship, abuse may take many forms—emotional, financial, physical, psychological, social, reputational, professional, parental, familial and/or sexual. It can involve intimidation, isolating the target from support networks, controlling access to money, or depriving a romantic partner of sleep, for example. These behaviours are never isolated; they form a pattern of control and harm that becomes increasingly difficult to navigate. The emotional labour required to maintain peace is exhausting, and over time, the romantic target may comply with the predator’s unreasonable demands simply to avoid conflict and harm. This gradual accommodation can lead to a profound sense of numbness and loss of identity.
In a work setting, toxic leaders or narcissists in senior roles often shape workplace environments through fear, manipulation, and calculated self-preservation. They frequently rely on intimidation, creating a climate in which employees feel unsafe to question or challenge them. Their expectations of others are typically unrealistic, and they may place people in situations that compromise their wellbeing or professional safety. They may openly berate, undermine, demean, and humiliate others. The level of abuse can be exceptional, even of very senior people.Most people who have written about workplace bullying are not fully familiar with the depth of sadism, manipulation, and exploitation engaged in by a narcissist. While narcissists may be openly hostile towards those they perceive as threats or those they choose to abuse, they are often exceptionally respectful, deferential, and even charming towards people in positions of power, making themselves appear indispensable to senior leaders. They manipulate team dynamics by playing favourites, pitting colleagues against one another, and fostering mistrust. Promises of support or resources may be offered strategically and later withdrawn if the target does not comply with their demands. They often project an outward image of being friendly, benevolent, or engaging, masking the harm they cause behind a carefully curated persona. These individuals commonly take credit for the work of others. They may manufacture problems so they can later claim credit and recognition for resolving them. Bullying is a routine tactic. Interpersonally, they may use the ‘silent treatment’ as a form of punishment or control. They also cultivate relationships with select individuals who act as informal informants, providing them with information that can be used to manipulate narratives or maintain dominance. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
What can be done to prevent harm from narcissists?
There is a raft of ways that harm from coercive controllers or predators can be prevented. At a personal level, to reduce the risk of being targeted by a predator for you and those you love:
It is crucial to understand the many obvious red flags of coercive controllers. These are outlined in detail in Dr Mitchell’s groundbreaking book, Human Predators. Once you understand the red flags it will be MUCH easier to ‘see’ predators, those that assert coercive control. It is impossible to ‘unsee’ the red flags.
It is also crucial to do research. Predators are convincing, they will woo you, mesmerize you, compel you to believe them. They will present fiction as fact, convince you night is day and you will be genuinely convinced. Even those who have years of experience of coercive control abuse may again be drawn in to the false narrative of a predator. It is only in the research of another person that you will truly find clarity and safety.
There are many other ways we can protect ourselves and our communities from predatory harm. These are discussed in Dr Mitchell’s book, Human Predators, her PhD and our social media messaging: Instagram | X | LinkedIn
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If you have any questions or would like to know more please contact the Kalmor team.
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